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WIP - it's me who changed... by kamism

:icondrvein:
It kind of looks like this is a work-in-progress but I'll talk about it assuming it's finished.

Let's start with vision.
To begin with, you obviously have a beautiful picture in your head and I wouldn't dare say you haven't communicated it. On the other hand I only give you a 4.5 because it looks like a speed paint you really didn't take too much time on. I'll further explain...

This is unique so I give you a 5 on originality. The colors work well and although the color scheme has been used many times before to communicate a dramatic idea the overall concept I have yet to see. Your character appears to be randomly standing in a body of water with a distant stare. To me this portrays an almost hopeless feel, like there's nothing much left for this recently apathetic character to do besides spending some time in an unconventional place that possibly holds great prominence sometime within their life. This is common idea portrayed in a unique fashion.

I give you a 2.5 on technique, reasons that might explain your 4.5 in vision. I am confused by this picture because although it's portrayed in a unique fashion, the portrayal is sloppy. This picture is a mess. What originally appeared to me as a body of water has a slanted circular wave while your character is upright and back of the water is also upright.
I think those are red fish? Possibly blood? Those red things around the character are something and you can't tell what.
The strokes you used vary in size and density and while that's something to aim for your placement leaves questions for your ability to shade and use value. It's blotchy.
Your technique might have worked a bit better if you'd put more effort into smoothing out the brush differences. Where your brush strokes begin and end should not be the first thing I notice, and it was for this picture.
The anatomy is horrible. One shoulder is broader than the other but similar in size while it appears you tried some side-view perspective, which makes this picture's anatomy contradict itself. The neck is disturbingly long and stiff. The character does not mesh well with the environment they are so stiff.
Their head doesn't leave much to be desired, it's way too narrow for a slightly turned profile. It also seems you made the head about as big as the shoulders themselves and if that's the design, I suggest your character seek medical attention. The hair looks like a quick try at being stringy, which might have worked better if the head was a bit less oblong.
I give what points I do on technique because out of all the horrible shading in this picture the face looks great, the eyes are beautiful, and the water/liquid in the very back was well done.
Again though, the angles are probably what killed the score I gave you.

Impact is last.
I give you a 4. It's dramatic, I give you that. But you used very few colors and very little contrast that the character, assuming the character is the focus, blends in with the rest of the picture. From far off, I would guess this was random slur of grey and red.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconkamism:
kamism Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Thank you very much for your very detailed and comprehensive critique. I was in need of something like this :D Yes it is indeed a work in progress, something I randomly doodled out of today's frustration but I wanted to turn it into something more detailed and symbolic so I was badly in need for critique.
Yes those red blobs and fish which I do have to work on more, but thank you for telling me that you couldn't tell what it was at first sight. I agree with you on all aspects that need improving. I really must say that your accuracy on critique is excellent O v O
I guess.. now that I look at it, the anatomy is appalling. Wow I must be tired ;A;
When I will be working on it more in the next stages, I will try to incorporate all the suggestions you have put forward in improving this piece.
Thank you so much.
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:icondrvein:
DrVein Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you appreciate the critique, I never enjoy writing negative comments. I think you have great potential with this piece and I bid you good luck with your work.
Reply
:iconkamism:
kamism Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Critique is welcome as long as they are truthful, and yours was very accurate. You have my deepest gratitude.
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